Laughs From The Archives

Wow! My apologies for not posting for a while! I thought I’d dig through the archives of my Facebook posts and give y’all a laugh today. (On a side note, the picture above is of me and my brother back in 2006.)

  1. September 8, 2016

My (at the time) 3-year-old sister: “Caitie?”

Me: “Yeah?”

Her: “I’m gonna call you Caitie….and Sissy.”

Me: “Um…okay?”

Her: “And Mommy!”

Me: “What? I’m not your Mama. Stick with Caitie and Sissy.”

Her: “But I love you!”

 

2. May 17, 2016

Me: “Hey, do you want me to teach you how to play the piano once I know what I’m doing?”

Sister: “Yeah!”

Me: “Mmk, give me a few years. Once you know what you’re doing, you can accompany me on the Chaminade Concertino and-”

Her: “Gasps with a smile on her face*

Me: “Um, you’d have to do it whenever I ask you to ’cause ya know, you’re my obligated sister.” (Obviously, I was joking)

Her: “That’d be wonderful!”

*A few minutes later*

Her: “I need some lip gloss!”

Me: “Um, okay?”

Her: “I need it for da stage!” (‘Cause I’d picked up a couple things for my orchestra concert that day.)”

*I bust out laughing*

*She climbs up into my lap and rubs my back*

Her: “I love you, Sissy. You’re my best friend.”

 

3. May 15, 2017

My brother wants to be either a mechanical or structural engineer.

Me: “Pleeeeeeease do structural so that I can give you ideas for the sickest roller coaster ever and you can do all of the hydraulic crap.”

Bro: “I’ll consider that, but not just so you can mooch off of my labor.”

Me: “I’m not mooching! I’m giving you motivation to not screw up because if I get stuck on the coaster, especially upside down, I’d know who to sue!”

Bro: “Thanks for the dream kill.”

Me: “Hey, if you were going to be a pilot then I’d be mooching by flying standby!”

Bro: “And that’s why I’m not going to be a pilot. Well, that and because I’m afraid of heights.”

Me: “Whatever.”

 

4. February 24, 2017

Me *Screaming* “(Bro’s name here)!!!”

Bro: “WHAT?!?!”

Me: “COME KILL THIS SPIDER!”

Bro: “Oh, Geez.”

*He comes into my room and the spider decides to crawl under my bed*

Me: “Oh **** no!

Bro: “What?”

Me: “It’s under my freaking bed! Thank God Orkin (pest control for the problem we had with carpenter ants) is coming today!”

*We wait it out and the spider finally dies*

Bro: “Got ’em. I crushed it as hard as I could in this paper towel.”

Me: “Dude, why didn’t you get toilet paper so we could flush that sucker down the toilet?”

Bro: “Because paper towel is bigger.”

Me: “…..Good point. Thanks for killing that 8 legged spawn of Spider Man.”

Bro: “First of all, Spider Man has nothing to do with spiders. Second of all, I feel bad because the dead spider looks like Charlotte from Charlotte’s Web.”

Me: “No it doesn’t! Charlotte was a tarantula or something like that and if one of those was in the house, I’d loose it and end up with arson charges!”

Bro: *shakes his head* “Seriously, if you marry an exterminator someday, I’ll be happy.”

 

5. February 13, 2017

A girl that I was babysitting: “I think life is a lot easier with the internet.”

Me: “Yeah, but Google can’t teach you about facts of life.”

Girl: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well…unless you’ve had the life experience, you wouldn’t know that eating Captain Crunch is a game with time. If you eat it too soon after pouring milk on it, it feels like your cheeks are being ripped open. If you eat the cereal too late after pouring milk on, it’s like eating the soggy dog food that made it into the water bowl.”

Girl: “……I didn’t know that.”

 

6. October 14, 2016

*I walk upstairs sleep deprived*

Me: “Where’s dad?”

Bro: “Um…He’s at work.”

Me: “What? Since when does he work on a Saturday?”

Bro: “It’s Friday, genius.”

Me: “Oh crap it is Friday……because yesterday was…..Thursday.”

Bro: *Sarcastically claps*

Me: “Shut up.”

 

7. February 2, 2017

Convo between a little boy and I while we were playing with his trains:

Me: “What was that noise?”

Boy: “I’m building a choo choo, Kay Kay” (He couldn’t say Caitie, so he called me Kay Kay)

Me: “Okay, but what was the noise?”

Boy: “Just me!”

Me: *laughs” “I know it was you, but where did it come from?”

Boy: “It’s ok. It was just a song from my butt.”

Me: *choke back a laugh* “Okay.”

 

8. October 16, 2016

*Relaxing a day before my birthday and my brother farts on my leg.*

Me: “I really can’t believe that you just farted on my leg.”

Bro: “When ya gotta go, ya gotta go.”

Me: “Not on my leg! And a day before my birthday, too? That is not a birthday present.”

Bro: “What? I’m back up in case you need help blowing out the candles.”

 

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You Know You Work With Kids When…

1) You put the baby down and think he’s crying but it’s just the movie that the other kids are watching.

2) You change a wet diaper just for the baby to poop five minutes later.

3) You become desensitized to hearing the “Frozen Soundtrack” on repeat all day.

4) You’re not phased by somebody else’s toddler calling you “mama.”

5) You simply tune out the “bathroom humor.”

6) You see a puddle on the bathroom floor and question whether it came from the sink or if somebody had an accident.

7) You laugh when the baby sneezes during lunch time and spits pineapple and mango baby food on you.

8)  You feel like an expert at using reverse psychology.

9) Sometimes your job gives you baby fever and other times it is natural birth control.

10) You can make a toy made for a two-year-old entertain you for fifteen minutes.

11) You receive paper filled with scribbles as gifts yet you still treasure it.

12) You use a “baby talk” voice when you’re addressing the first adult that you’ve talked to all day.

13) There are times that you try not to laugh when giving correction to a child who has misbehaved.

14) Silence is great for a few minutes but becomes a warning sign if it lasts for more than five.

15) You see a toy or craft idea at the grocery store and contemplate buying it.

16) Your clothes are as dirty as the kids’ at the end of the day.

17) You don’t wear necklaces to work because it’ll end up broken and/or in the baby’s mouth.

18) You consider buying teething gel when you have a toothache.

19) Running out of a child’s favorite snack seems like it should be national news.

20)…But you still love it even on days that are hard.